The Best of What's Offered

I've been thinking about the existentialist philosophy lately. I don't have a real reason, but I don't really need to have a reason, so I suppose it doesn't matter.
But my thoughts always turn to the idea of how much I wish to follow this idea.

Suppose in laymen's terms, to be an existentialist is to live with the motto or idea of always being formed, or to be continually reinventing yourself. To think with these words in mind seems much grander than to simply take responsibility for your actions, yet they pertain to the same idea. If I truly wish to be responsible for my actions and therefore take 'the high road', that's wonderful. But it is also entirely possible that I also wish I were carefree. So then I wish to live without responsibility. But this in itself is technically 'reinventing myself', but in doing so, worsening my situation.

I liken this to someone who is raised in one religion or culture, believes in it, for the most part, but really only associates with some of it. For example, I have always been Catholic. I love church, and Scripture, and I enjoy being a part of the Mass. But at the same time, I can't help but be logical. MEN made up this religion, MEN dictated these guidelines and rules, MEN interpreted the words and actions of Jesus. Therefore, in fully participating in a Catholic Mass, I am participating in something that was largely made up by my fellow humans, even if it was made up as much as 2000 years ago. I agree with Scripture, I believe in the Crucifixion, I believe in the Holy Trinity. I do not, however, believe that I must confess to a priest. I do not necessarily agree with the Holy Communion. I do not really understand the need for some of the sacrements. But I still go to church, nearly every Sunday, and participate in Mass.

This has been bothering me lately. My sister recently told me that she does believe in God. She does NOT believe in Jesus.

As someone who tries to be understanding and non judgemental, I was shocked and revolted when she told me this. Because no Jesus means that there was no miraculous birth in the desert. there was no North Star that lead the way. There was no miracle performed or life sacrificed. No one died for our sins. There was no death and resurrection. And this is the basis of my belief.

This turned into a more personal dissection of my religious feelings. It seems more complicated in writing than it did in my head.