winter depression

I love Houston, but if it were at least cold it would work better. I'm super bummed and sleepy.

The time change means it should be cool.
My parent's good friend passed away yesterday. Cameron won't be here for Thanksgiving, and now we don't know when he'll be here. I have a bunch of schoolwork and just feel like I don't have the energy to do it.

I know I can, but I can't seem to get it going.

I'll work it out.

My brother

I know he has his problem, but he's my brother. He has the silly laugh that sounds like his voice is cracking. He'll help me with anything heavy or high up, because he's the only boy. He has tried to do many things for us, especially back in the day. One of the coolest things I can remember of him is when he was working at Spaghetti Warehouse and he bought us all great presents. He bought me a yellow discman and it was sooo cool. I still have it, and sometimes, friends will see it and ask, Why on earth do you still have that thing? And there are 2 reasons: 1: my brother gave it to me because he knew I loved music, possibly more than the other siblings. 2: I want to show to my kids. I need to save batteries and cd's so I can tell them it still works whenever this occurs.

I want David to be a part of my life for a long time, like my cd player. I want everyone to find their place and part in life, with or without a husband or wife. I want us all to find what we can that makes us happy and be healthy, and what I think would be a comfortable spot in life. When I'm forty, I want to talk to my big brother about my kids.

It's odd, to feel nostalgic about the future. Maybe it's nostalgia for the past, from seeing my parents' families. But in my thoughts, the future is better informed. Maybe that's what I'm overlooking. With all the information I have about my siblings, is this comfortable idealistic dream realistic? Or am I looking at the past with false memories or notions, thinking that they know all they need to and are still happy?

I know he can accomplish anything. He just needs to find what it is that he wants to succeed at.
I love you, David.

Getting nervous

I'm closing in on graduating next May and I'm totally excited. But I'm also nervous about finding a job. I feel that I'm capable, but I am just always worried that I'll be considered too young.

Is 23 too young? I remember that I read about a man who was a doctor at the age of 24. I was so impressed! I knew I wouldn't be a doctor, of course, but I have known what I wanted to be for the majority of my remembered life. I have wanted to be a book editor since the fifth grade. I want to do something to get those books out there. I want to send these books out to the world because I have always loved books. They affect so many people and I love that it can do so many different things in peoples' lives.

I will be applying to random writing places around town, but I really think Cameron and I could move to a city where there is a publishing house for me to work at. That's what I want to do in life, and I know I can do it. I also know that Cameron will be there for me and get me where I need to go. He's wonderful.